enjoy219 - amazing funny love youth stories: December 2008

Married to grandmother

A psychiatrist visited a California mental institution and asked a patient, "How did you get here? What was the nature of your illness?" He got the following reply.

"Well, it all started when I got married and I guess I should never have done it. I married a widow with a grown daughter who then became my stepdaughter.

My dad came to visit us, fell in love with my lovely stepdaughter, then married her. And so my stepdaughter was now my stepmother. Soon, my wife had a son who was, of course, my daddy's brother-in-law since he is the half-brother of my stepdaughter, who is now, of course, my daddy's wife.

So, as I told you, when my stepdaughter married my daddy, she was at once my stepmother! Now, since my new son is brother to my stepmother, he also became my uncle. As you know, my wife is my step-grandmother since she is my stepmother's mother. Don't forget that my stepmother is my stepdaughter. Remember, too, that I am my wife's grandson.

But hold on just a few minutes more. You see, since I'm married to my step-grandmother, I am not only the wife's grandson and her hubby, but I am also my own grandfather. Now can you understand how I got put in this place?"

After staring blanky with a dizzy look on his face, the psychiatrist replied: "Move over!"

Do Americans really need it ??

42 Tons of Aspirin is cosumed in a day In America

Are Americans Sick

Thats how good men are ???

Who says our English is teruk.? Just see below - Ours is simple, short, concise, straight-to- point, effective etc........

WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS
Britons: I'm sorry, Sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you.
Asian : No Stock.

RETURNING A CALL
Britons: Hello, this is John Smith. Did anyone page for me a few moments ago?
Asian : Hello, who page?

ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY .
Britons: Excuse me, I'd like to get by. Would you please make way?
Asian : S-kew me

WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY
Britons: Hey, put your wallet away, this drink is on me.
Asian : No-need, lah.

WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION
Britons: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?
Asian : (pointing the door) can AR?

WHEN ENTERTAINING
Britons: Please make yourself right at home.
Asian : Don't be shy, lah!

WHEN DOUBTING SOMEONE
Britons: I don't recall you giving me the money.
Asian : Where got?

WHEN DECLINING AN OFFER
Britons: I'd prefer not to do that, if you don't mind.
Asian : Don't want la...

IN DISAGREEING ON A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION
Britons: Err. Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you're coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about the issue.
Asian : You mad, ah?

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER THEIR VOICE.
Britons: Excuse me, but could you please ! Lower your voice, I'm trying to concentrate over here.
Asian : Shut up lah!

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE IF HE/SHE KNOWS YOU.
Britons: Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for some time. Do I know you?
Asian : See what, see what?

WHEN ASSESSING A TIGHT SITUATION.
Britons: We seem to be in a bit of a predicament at the moment.
Asian : Die-lah!!

WHEN TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED
Britons: Will someone tell me what has just happened?
Asian : Wat happen Why like that....

WHEN SOME ONE DID SOMETHING WRONG
Britons: This isn't the way to do it here let me show you,
Asian : like that also don't know how to do!!!!

WHEN ONE IS ANGRY
Britons: Would you mind not disturbing me
Asian : Celaka u

Often Husband & wife fight with each other

Often Husband & wife fight with each other

Please see the atmosphere, surroundings,

Place, nature, situation, before doing so :

A couple were fighting in the car

See the result is below :

Fight between Husband amp Wife Photo

Self medication ?? Wait !!!

Medicines : Should only be taken properly :

Self medication some times causes huge problem ??

Viagra Photo

Have you ever seen her in such a dress,
for me it is the first time
It is most unbeliveable, my eyes till date are blinking

Kindly scroll down

Please see your surroundings before scrolling down :

"
"

Malika Sherawat unbeliveable Picture

What happens to the Lipstick used by the ladies.

can you guess ?????

5% of the Lipstick is sticked to the cutlery.

25% of the lipstick goes to Tissue Paper & Cotton Tabs at the time of removing the Make Up.

15% of the Lipstick goes in Drain at the Time of Washing Face & Lips.

10% is Dumped in the Garbage as Unused.

5% of the Lipstick is found in the Woman's Stomach Due to Newer Flavors & Essences.

And the remaining 40% of the Lipstick I Guarantee you that you will find it in Man's Stomach.

sms , shaayri, jokes , poor comments and PJs

Husband: darling tum pepsi ki tarah ho jitna piyun aur maza aata hai
Wife: hubby tum slice ki tarah ho jab maza aanay lagta hai khatam ho jata hai !!!!!

sms , shaayri, jokes , poor comments and PJs

Husband: darling tum pepsi ki tarah ho jitna piyun aur maza aata hai
Wife: hubby tum slice ki tarah ho jab maza aanay lagta hai khatam ho jata hai !!!!!

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Top 10 most memorable Hindi movie quotes

Kitne admi the – Sholay (1975)

In her well researched and immensely readable book on Sholay, Anupama Chopra says that the popularity of a movie can be assessed by the ad spoofs it inspires. From the time of its release in 1975, kitney aadmi the has churned out innumerable ads. So is Gabbar’s kitne admi the Hindi movie’s most memorable dialogue ever? Sholay was the first movie to bring out an audio of the film’s dialogues and the experiment was a raging success. The dialogues sold more than R D Burman’s compositions! From jo dar gaya samjho mar gaya to <>and tumhara naam kya hai Basanti anyone who has seen the movie, has his own favourite dialogue.

Yeh bacchhon ke khelne ki cheez nahi, haath kat jaaye toh khoon nikal aata hai’ – Waqt (1965)

Directed by Yash Chopra and produced by B R Chopra, this multi-starer blockbuster established some of Hindi movies most recurrent and popular themes: brothers separated at birth, who keep meeting each other without realizing their kinship; one brother grows up virtuous, the other is on the wrong side of the law; rich girl falling in love with an idealistic poor man. Waqt also set the trend for all future Yash Chopra movies, with opulent houses, lush manicured lawns, ladies dressed prettily in chiffon and designer churidars, flashy big cars and song sequences in the verdant valleys of Kashmir (which later shifted to Switzerland).

Babumoshai…! – Anand (1970)

Rajesh Khanna was already a superstar when he co-starred with the gangly Amitabh who looked quite uncharismatic next to the effervescent charmer. Rajesh Khanna’s babumoshai was replete with affection, warmth and had a teasing note to it. It wasn’t an artificially contrived Bengali mannerism like Bhansali’s bondhu or shotti from Devdas. The same playfully affectionate address takes on profoundly tragic overtones when Rajesh Khanna’s recorded message tries to comfort his friend Amitabh, as Amitabh weeps over the death of his patient (Rajesh Khanna), who had also become his closest friend

Aap ke paon dekhe, bahut haseen hai. Inhe zameen par mat utariyega — maile ho jayenge – Pakeezah (1972)

Raj Kumar’s gravelly rendition of this immortal sentence has become synonymous with classic romance and chivalry. It was delivered as a ‘voice over’ through a letter that Meena Kumari discovers left on her train berth. The irony is of course that the courtesan Sahibjaan (Meena Kumari) earns her living through mujras, where she has to get her feet dirty, enticing men with her dance. The train’s piercing whistle recurs as a leitmotif throughout the movie, reminding her of her secret admirer and holds out the promise of a better life, away from men who purchase her beauty at the kotha.

Mujhse dosti karoge? Bobby (1973)

Dimple puts out her hand and asks Rishi mujhse dosti karoge? Seems like a simple request but it created cinematic history of sorts. Never before had a girl been so forward as to make the first move. That too with a handshake. It was unheard of, since Hindi film heroines normally simpered and shied away from any bodily contact until the man had wooed her. In a short skirt and with a wide-eyed quizzical _expression, Bobby (Dimple), is unabashed youthfulness and sexiness personified. The line also became the most hackneyed ice-breaker in college campuses all over the country.

Mere pas ma hai – Deewar (1975)

Nirupama Roy, the quintessential long suffering, patient and gentle ‘ma’ in innumerable Hindi movies, became immortalized as the ‘ma’ whom Amitabh could not win over with his gari, bari and bungalow. That single stark sentence was brilliantly juxtaposed against Amitabh’s rantings about his material possessions. Mere pas ma hai summed up the entire gamut of moral issues that were at stake in the movie. Ponderous generalizations such as ‘crime does not pay’, ‘money cannot buy love’ and ‘the end does not justify the means’ were put across succinctly and simply through this single sentence. Another classic quote from the Salim – Javed duo.

Mogambo khush hua – Mr. India (1987)

Amrish Puri could never live down his Mogambo image (his evil priest role in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom was simply another exaggerated and more grotesque Mogambo). Mogambo khush hua was eccentric evil incarnate, in colourful Bollywood hyperbole. He wore outlandish clothes, made his eyes as big as saucers, threatened hapless victims into submission and then chortled out loud Mogambo khush hua.

Children loved him because he seemed a caricature straight out of a comic strip.

Dosti mein no sorry, no thank you – Maine Pyar Kiya (1988)

Saccharine…but teenagers loved this new definition of friendship. Friendship badges and stickers became a rage in schools, which was in itself, a completely new phenomenon in India (to be revived as friendship bands after Kuch Kuch Hota Hai hit the screen in 2003). “Love means never having to say you are sorry”, from Love Story was the inspiration for this dialogue. The theme of friendship between a girl and a boy is juxtaposed against the cynical view ek ladka aur ek ladki kabhi dost nahin ban sakte, questioning the innocence and purity of their relationship.

Mein chota sa, pyara sa, nanha sa, baccha hoon – Chaalbaaz (1989)

One of Shakti Kapoor’s first comic roles in striped knee length drawers with the drawer string hanging out, which went on to become a staple character in David Dhawan movies. By this time Shakti Kapoor had exhausted his range of villainous expressions. He tried his hand at comedy and proved to be a huge success. Ever since then, he has been repeating this dialogue in umpteen shows and TV interviews. And why did he say he was a baccha? Because he thought Sridevi wanted to seduce him, when in reality, she wanted to beat the living daylights out of him!

Bade bade deshon mein, aisi choti choti baatein hoti rahti hain - Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge (1995)

Youngsters picked this line up and used it whenever they had to justify a meaningless, random act. It was thought to be ‘cool’ and witty. Shah Rukh Khan of course epitomized the cool dude. That he was a second generation Indian, settled abroad increased his appeal to all aspiring yuppies back in India! The comment was quintessential Raj – the carefree, rich, mischievous, but heart-in-the-right-place, lover boy who wooed Kajol and millions of girls in India and abroad with his mandolin in tujhe dekha to yeh jana sanam.

Friday, December 5, 2008

Marvellous answer

A mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon in his shop, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come to take a look at his car.

The mechanic shouted across the garage,"Hello Doctor!! Please come over here for a minute."

The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic.

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, "So doctor, look at this. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish this will work as a new one. So how come you get the big money, when you and me is doing basically the same work? "

The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic.....
.
.
.
.
.
.
He said: "Try to do it when the engine is running".

BANG UR HEAD

Recently a company had participated in IIM's Placement Sessions.

They asked some interesting questions to students during recruitment.
Here are some of them:-

1. There is one word in the English language that is always pronounced incorrectly. What is it?
2. A man gave one son 10 cents and another son was given 15 cents. What time is it?
3. A boat has a ladder that has six rungs, each rung is one foot apart. The bottom rung is one foot from the water.
The tide rises at 12 inches every 15minutes. High tide peaks in one hour. When the tide is at it's highest, how many rungs are under water?
4. There is a house with four walls. Each wall faces south. There is a window in each wall. A bear walks by one of the windows. What color is the bear?
5. Is half of two plus two equal to two or three?
6. There is a room. The shutters are blowing in. There is broken glass on the floor. There is water on the floor. You find Sloppy dead on the floor. Who is Sloppy? How did Sloppy die?
7. How much dirt would be in a hole 6 feet deep and 6 feet wide that has been dug with a square edged shovel?
8. If I were in Hawaii and dropped a bowling ball in a bucket of water which is 45 degrees F, and dropped another ball of the same weight, mass, and size in a bucket at 30 degrees F, both of them at the same time, which ball would hit the bottom of the bucket first?
Same question, but the location is in Canada ?
9. What is the significance of the following: The year is 1978, thirty-four minutes past noon on May 6th.10. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in the center field?
11. What is it that goes up and goes down but does not move?

Scroll down for answers..... .......

*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*

********

1. The word "incorrectly. "
2. 1:45. The man gave away a total of 25 cents. He divided it between two people. Therefore, he gave a quarter to two.
3. None, the boat rises with the tide. Googly ;-)
4. White. If all the walls face south, the house is at the North pole, and the bear, therefore, is a polar bear.
5. Three. Well, it seems that it could almost be either, but if you follow the mathematical orders of operation, division is performed before addition.
So... half of two is one. Then add two, and the answer is three.
6. Sloppy is a (gold)fish. The wind blew the shutters in, which knocked his goldfish-bowl off the table, and it broke, killing him.
7. None. No matter how big a hole is, it's still a hole: the absence of dirt.
8. Both questions, same answer: the ball in the bucket of 45 degree F water hits the bottom of the bucket last. Did you think that the water in the 30 degree F bucket is frozen? Think again.
The question said nothing about that bucket having anything in it. Therefore, there is no water (or ice) to slow the ball down...
9. The time and month/date/year American style calendar are 12:34, 5/6/78.
10. One. If he combines all of his haystacks, they all become one big stack.
11. The temperature.

One liners -- Hidden meanings in Company talk

Today's Professional Management FUNDAS

1."We will do it" means "You will do it"

2."You have done a great job" means "More work to be given to you"

3."We are working on it" means "We have not yet started working on the same"

4."Tomorrow first thing in the morning" means "Its not getting done "At least not tomorrow!"

5."After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views" means "I have already decided, I will tell you what to do"

6."There was a slight miscommunication" means "We had actually lied"

7."Lets call a meeting and discuss" means "I have no time now, will talk later"

8."We can always do it" means "We actually cannot do the same on time"

9."We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline" means "The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time."

10."We had slight differences of opinion "means "We had actually fought"

11."Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you" means "Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me"

12."You should have told me earlier" means "Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"

13."We need to find out the real reason" means "Well I will tell you where your fault is"

14."Well Family is important; your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected," means, "Well you know..."

15."We are a team," means, "I am not the only one to be blamed"

16."That's actually a good question" means "I do not know anything about it"

17."All the Best" means "You are in trouble"

A different Love letter

A different Love letter and a beautiful reply to it.
A teenage college guy sent a love letter (in Q/A format) to his classmate.

My Dearest Reshma,

Please answer the following questionnaire. For Options
(A) 10 marks,
(b) 5marks and
(c) 3 marks.

1) Whenever you enter the class room, your sight always falls on me because:
(a) of love
(b) you couldn't control seeing me
(c) really ... am I doing it?

2) Whenever professor cracks joke, you laugh and turn and look at me because:
(a) you always like to see me smiling
(b) you are testing whether I like jokes
(c) you are attracted by my smile

3) When you were singing in the class, I entered and immediately you stopped singing because:
(a) you are so coy to sing before me
(b) my presence influenced you
(c) you feared that whether I'll like your song

4) When you were showing your childhood photo, when I asked for it, you hide it because:
(a) you felt ashamed
(b) you felt uneasy
(c) you don't know

5) During trekking, myself and my friend gave you hand for lifting you and you took only my friend's because:
(a) you enjoyed my disappointment
(b) you won't feel leaving my hand after grabbing
(c) you don't know

6) You were waiting yesterday for bus and didn't get into your bus...
(a) you were waiting for me
(b) you were dreaming about me and didn't notice the bus
(c) that bus was crowded

7) You introduced me to your parents when they came to college because:
(a) I am going to be your groom
(b) you just want to know what your parents think about me
(c) just you felt like introducing me to them

8) I told that I like girls wearing roses. Next day, you came with a rose on your head because:
(a) to fulfill my wish
(b) you like roses
(c) by chance you got a rose

9) On that day, it was my birthday. you too came to temple early at 6:00 A.M because:
(a) you want to pray along with me
(b) you want to meet me before any one could meet on my birthday
(c) you want to wish me at temple because you are spiritual.

If you have scored more than 40, then you are loving me. Don't delay in expressing it.

If you have scored between 30 and 40, love is budding in your heart and it's getting ready to bloom. If you have scored less than 30, you are in confusion whether to love me or not.

Eagerly awaiting your reply..
Love, Aakash

Reshma's reply letter was also in Q/A format........

Aakash,
Please answer the following Yes/No questionnaire.

1) If somebody sits in the first row, normally people entering the class, sees them.
(a) Yes (b) No

2) If a girl laughs and looks anyone, is it love?
(a) Yes (b) No

3) While singing, if somebody forgets lines of the songs, will he/she stop singing or not?
(a) Yes (b) No

4) I was showing to my friends (who are all girls) my childhood photo.
You poked your nose inside..... right ?
(a) Yes (b) No

5) I avoided to hold your hand during trekking. Couldn't you understand yet?
(a) Yes (b) No

6) Should I not wait for my best friend (Anjali) at the bus stand?
(a)Yes (b) No

7) Shouldn't I introduce you to my parents as a friend?
(a) Yes (b) No

8) You have said you also like Lotus, cauliflower, banana's flower. Is it true ?
(a) Yes (b) No

9) Oh was that your birthday. That's why I could see you in temple. I come daily to Temple. Do you know ?
(a) Yes (b) No

If you have answered "Yes" to any of the question, then I am not loving you. If you have answered "No", then you don't know the meaning of Love.

Hope everything is clear to you.

ME and MY BOSS

When I Take a long time to finish, I am slow,
When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough

When I don't do it, I am lazy,
When my boss does not do it, he is busy,

When I do something without being told, I am trying to be smart,
When my boss does the same, he takes the initiative,

When I please my boss, I am apple polishing,
When my boss pleases his boss, he is cooperating,

When I make a mistake, I' am an idiot.
When my boss makes a mistake, he's only human.

When I am out of the office, I am wondering around.
When my boss is out of the office, he's on business.

When I am on a day off sick, I am always sick.
When my boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.

When I apply for leave, I must be going for an interview
When my boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked

When I do good, my boss never remembers,
When I do wrong, he never forgets

Hospital Window ( story )

Hospital Window

Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room.

One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs.
His bed was next to the room's only window.

The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.

The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation.

Every afternoon when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.

The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside.

The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.

As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine the picturesque scene.

One warm afternoon the man by the window described a parade passing by.

Although the other man couldn't hear the band - he could see it. In his mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.

Days and weeks passed.
One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.

As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.

Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside. He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed.

It faced a blank wall.

The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window.
The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall.

She said, "Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you."

Epilogue:

There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations.

Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled.

If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have that money can't buy.

HOW HAPPY IS LIFE WITHOUT A GIRLFRIEND

Reasons why LIFE without a Girl Friend is cool

1. You can stare at any Girl.......

2. You don't have to spend money on her.

3. You won't get boring result in ur board papers.

4. No girlfriend, no emotional blackmailing.

5. If u don't have a girlfriend, she can't dump u.

6. Having a girlfriend is hot, not having a girlfriend is automatically cool, and every one loves to be a cool guy.

7. This can be more to life than just waiting for the bloody phone to ring.

8. You won't have to tolerate someone else defining, "right" and "wrong" for u.

9. Girlfriend can get so possessive that you can't do anything according ur wishes anymore.

10. You can buy gifts for mom, dad, sis or grandpa instead of a girlfriend and have a happier family life.

11. You won't have to waste paper writing love letters. No more endless waiting for ur date to arrive at some weird shop place.

12. You can have more friends, as u will have more time for them.

13. You wont have to see boring love stories instead of sports.

14. You wont have to tell lie to anybody and, therefore, u'll sin less.

15. You can have good night's sleep-no need to dream about her.

16. You wont have to fight over having a 'special' friend with ur folks.

17. No nonstop nonsense.

18. You wont have drown in the pool of her tears.

19. No tension.

20. You can be "urself"

21. You wont have to hide your telephone bills.....